But If She Breaks Your Heart Like Lovers Do...

           "If he breaks your heart like lovers do" is a heartbreaking line in Ed Sheeran's song titled Happier. This song is about losing someone you love and then being forced to watch them move on with someone who is not you as you continue to wait for them to see come back. The whole time you are waiting, you hoping that one day y’all will be back together. And I started to wonder, how many of us are waiting for a boy or girl to come back to us when they are happier without us? Why would we want to put ourselves through that instead of moving on ourselves? It seems like our heart was more damaged during the break up than theirs, and for some reason we think the only way to cure our broken heart is to be with the person that broke it. But you can’t fix a heart with the same tool that was used to shatter it.

            There is so much that contributes to us not wanting to let the person we once loved, and still love, go. The hardest thing you will ever go through is picking yourself up after someone else broke you. And during this time, we want to erase the pain. You want to forget about what happened and go back to being in that happy relationship, but you need to remember that the person who broke you will never be able to be the one to fix you. If you were to run back, the relationship would never be the same. There would be a barrier between the two of you, and you would never be able to give 100% of yourself into the renewed relationship.

            I had a friend ask me the other day, if we know the person is bad for us, why do we keep going back? Why do we continue to want them to be the one at the front door or the one who is texting us? A part of you will never want to give them up. You want to stay in this state of denial, denying that the actions they have taken were their own because you know them, and you know they would never intentionally hurt you. But this denial is only temporary and when the reality sets in, you’re never going to be able to look at the person the same. The emotions will never feel the same. You’re going to be sitting across from him one day and feel completely uncomfortable because you can no longer deny what he did. That pain and heartache is what is going to be the ultimate end of the relationship.

            But even when the relationship ends, we still have hope that it may begin again. That is our downfall. That hope for the relationship to be rekindled or the faith you have in the person you love is going to break your heart more and more. You’re going to hit rock bottom when he continues to emotionally hurt you and you still come back to him. You’re going to lose him for a second time but this time you never really had him to begin with.

            So, let’s get back to the ultimate question, Why do you still want him when he no longer wants you? You wanted him to fight for you. You wanted him to show you how much you mean to him. You don’t want him to just give up and move on. You want to know that you mean a lot to him. And when he doesn’t fight for you and, instead, just moves on, you feel dread. But you never lose the love you have for him so you continue to want him back and continue to wish you were still the girl he was saying goodnight to. But you should not be wanting that. Why don’t you want better than that? Why can’t you move on and find someone who will show you more love and affection than he ever could? The truth is, you are afraid that he was the best, and that you will never be able to find someone like him. You are back to square one, being single. Except now you are single with a damaged heart. He was able to move on because, despite his own hurt, he wanted more. So you sit back and think when he gets his heart broken you’ll be there, ready to help mend it. But that is not your job and you deserve better than being a second choice.

            Stop settling for the guy that hurt you and go find better. Go experience being single for a while and revisit self care and self love. Find out who you are because it seems we always change after a relationship. And then one day when you’re in the book store or on the first day of class in college, you’re going to bump into a handsome guy and you’re going to find your ‘better’. It takes time but I can assure you there is a better guy out there than the guy that hurt you. So don’t wait on him when he is not anticipating his return to you.