Conversations with God

            Life would be so much easier if God would just tell me what to do. But what I fail to realize is He does, it just all depends on how I listen and interpret the answers. What I am really wishing for is for God to walk in and give me a detailed plan and explanation on what I should do. Which no, He doesn’t do that. The hardest part about praying is you feel like it is a one sided conversation. You pray and you can’t help but wonder if God is listening to you or if He is deliberately being silent. We have to find out what His answers are. I’m not saying it is going to be easy, but if you pay close attention to every act that occurs around you and every thought you have, you may just find His answers.

            I was praying the other night and in the midst of praying, I had a break through. I’m not going to go into full detail of what I was praying because that was a conversation for only God to hear, but what was important was I figured out answers to questions I didn’t know I had while praying. I was praying for something I really wanted and I began to try to bargain with God, which I would never suggest doing. I gave Him a list of things I would stop doing and a list of things I would give up if I could just have this one thing. My whole body went numb because the things I admitted I was willing to discard all came to my mind in that moment without me thinking about these things for long periods of time, and I realized that was God telling me to get rid of those things. I forgot what I wanted so badly and, instead, I listed out the things. It was stuff that I would never consider fully giving up because they weren’t bad things but they were things that I didn’t need in my life and I feel as if through my prayers, God was telling me this. I’ve had moments when praying before where I just find out an answer to a problem I have been having. God wants us to talk to Him, and He wants us to be able to hear what He has to say as well.

            Prayers are not the only way answers can come through to us. I’ve been in doubt about something, and I just give it up to God. The next day I will be driving and look on at a billboard, and it will have the answer I have been looking for. A billboard that was seen as advertisement to everyone else was suddenly a sign for me. I was meant to see it. I could have easily driven by and never glanced at it. Things come out of the blue and we need to recognize them as what they are, answers. I’ve had friends who did not know what was going in my life but, even without them knowing, they still share the answers I needed to hear.

            I was about 13 when I doubted God’s existence for the first time in my life. I remember laying there and praying to just know the truth. If He was really there, I needed to know. The following week there would be signs and misplaced thoughts that would register as signs for me to know that God was with me. It wasn’t until college that I doubted Him again. I was down all day and wondering where God was or if He existed, and then I went to the cafeteria of my college. In the seating room, a photo captured my glance. It said God on it. And I had chills in my bones because I knew that was my sign. A sign that had been hanging since day one had just caught my attention for the first time at the moment I needed it the most.

            God loves us. We are His children and He wants to be able to talk to us. Instead of believing the conversation is one sided because God won’t respond, ask yourself if the conversation has been one sided because you haven’t been listening. I know it is difficult and that His answers come in all different shapes and forms, but you have to notice. You don’t have to actively go out and look for all the signs, just be more observant than usual. It is a conversation, not a scavenger hunt. And at the end of the day, if you still believe God has not responded to you, believe that He is doing good and that He has a plan for you. He will always make sure that you are taken care of if you allow Him to.