I'm Not Good Enough for God

When I was little, my mom taught me that prayers should be conversations between you and God. That means you speak and then you look for His answers because He will answer, it is just some answers will be hard to interpret. But this is also means you should talk to His as if He was a friend and not someone you want to impress. But still I continue to try to impress Him. My prayers seem all staged as if I had written five other drafts before finally reciting this prayer. I think the thing that influences this is I am no saint. I have sinned and lied and I am tainted so how could God, who is completely perfect and does not make mistakes, continue to want me?

            I have given up on God multiple times. I try to believe that I know more and I try to ignore all the unspoken answers He gives me, and still He continues to love me. When I am at my worst, He still wants to take care of me because I am His child. He doesn’t deny me of His plans because I fell off track. Instead, He encourages His plans even more for me to accomplish. I continue to sin, I continue to lose myself in the earth bound temptations and still He completely cleans me of any speck of sin. He makes me new over and over again.

            I have started over more times than I would like to admit. But I know every time I start over, God is cheering me on. He’s not looking at the odds against me or my past sins. He’s not telling me this will be the last chance I have for Him to love me. He’s looking at my future, the future He has made pure and perfect for me. I was talking about God to one of my friends the other day and I had to stop and just think about how great and amazing our God is. And it took me a second to get over my wonder for Him, and then my friend said, “how could God still want the creatures He made who have turned their backs on Him. It is kind of sad. He created everyone with so much purpose and some of His children don’t even speak to Him. And somehow He still wants everyone’s heart.”

            While it pained me to admit that not everyone does keep in contact with God, I understood why God continues to love us, why He continues to love me. It’s kind of like being disappointed in your child, or in my case dog, when they do something wrong because you could have sworn that you taught them right from wrong. You put all this effort into raising a child and then, when they are teenagers, they think it is time to take control of their life. Maybe adults are experiencing what God goes through every day. But maybe that’s what allows people to understand some aspect of God.

            No matter what your child does, you encourage them to pick themselves back up and try again. You do this because of the unconditional love you have for them. And that is the same for God except 100 times over. As many times you push God away, He will open His arms wide open to welcome you back again. Because we have a very forgiving and loving God. He still wants you. He will always want you. And He is waiting for you to want Him too.