Jealousy Doesn't Look Good On You

As 2017 came to an end, I began to reflect on this past year in order to see how I could work to make 2018 an even better year. Something that I began to notice was, this year was the first time I felt jealous. You see, I have never been a jealous person. Even as a kid, I would be happy for someone who received something even if I wanted it and didn’t get it. I like to think my mom raised me to be a non jealous person. She was the one who taught me that, even if someone gets something I think I deserve, I shouldn’t be upset. I should be happy for them because that’s their blessing and I wasn’t supposed to have it right now. Who knows, maybe I didn’t get what I wanted because I would later get something better, something that was meant for me.

Fast forward to 2017 where I am now 19 instead of 7. I’m in college and I’ve had to worked harder now than I ever had to in my life. Everything I have succeeded in was due to hard work and great mentors. But, this year was the first year that I wanted something big, and I did not get it. For the first time, I felt the envy burn in my chest as I read on social media how others accomplished something that I so badly wanted.

But here is the thing, unlike most people who let jealousy blind them and control them, I used it as motivation. I worked harder after watching people get what I wanted. I never took a break. And it was the hardest thing I’ve ever put myself through, but last month I got news that I earned my blessing. I got it. I got what just a few months ago I was jealous of. But I still felt guilty for how I reacted to my friends getting their achievement. When my friends, who worked just as hard as I did and maybe even a little harder, got a huge achievement, I couldn’t be happy for them because I was so focused on how I didn’t get it. And that was wrong of me.

I know that if you’re going through something, it might be harder to accept my message. You might be in need of a job and you watched your best friend get one on her first interview while you’ve been to five interviews and never once got a call back. You might want to make the Dean's list at college and you were one point away, but your friends who are smart and rarely needs to study made it. I know you might be struggling, but God’s got His hand on you. He knows what He is doing.

I know the burning feeling in your chest when you watch someone else get what you believe you deserved. I know how your blood boils and all you want is to scream that it is not fair. But take a step back. Realize that your friend just worked so hard and got something she or he deserves. And I’m not saying you don’t deserve whatever it may be that you want, I’m saying that she got her blessing now and yours will come later. Use your jealousy as a source of motivation instead of giving it the power to become something toxic in your life. Understand that God is watching you. He doesn’t want to see you fail, but He also has a plan. He has your blessings lined up and He’s going to one day give them to you. Until then, continue to work hard. Work towards your goals and be patient for the outcome, but never envy someone else’s blessings.