I've Been Rushing My Life Instead of Experiencing It.

            I am one of those people who feels they have to complete everything right this second. I always feel like I have to be busy. And this often leads to burn out, stressed out in a bathtub, and falling behind. My anxiety is fueled by the thought of possibly not having enough time to complete everything I need to get done. And, my fear of falling behind usually becomes reality because I overload myself with so much stuff that I couldn’t possibly finish in one day, without realizing I have more time to complete everything.
            There is an area close to my school that my friend and I love to explore because it has a ton of shops and restaurants. We were coming back from one of our trips to this area, and we were talking about all the places we needed to try. She kind of saw I was overloading myself by making a mental to do and to visit list in my head, and said, “well not only do we have the rest of this school year but we also have two more years to explore all these places.” And it made me realize that I am rushing everything, I am rushing my life. I was to explore and try a lot of things, but I have forgotten that I have my life to do this. I don’t need to experience everything today. Even if I did explore everything today, what else would there to be explored afterwards?

            I have been caught up with placing a check mark next to a task that I wanted to complete instead of experience everything. For example, reading is my favorite thing and it has come down to me not even enjoying reading because I am more concerned on simply completing a book instead of experiencing the journey and symbolism that the book provides. I’m living on the surface, and it is only recently that I have realized it’s okay to take my time if that means I get to really experience whatever I am involved with.

            I was volunteering to place a check mark next to it instead of getting the humbling experience. I was taking classes simply to get to the next level of classes instead of actually learning. I have been brushing of my experiences instead of embracing them and really getting everything I can out of life. There is a saying that goes, “we are the sum of our experiences.” In ten years, nobody is going to be concerned with how much I completed in 2018. They’re going to be more interested in what I learned from my experiences and how the things I was involved with shaped me as a person. I need to take a step back and really enjoy my experiences. I need to learn something from them and feel something from them instead of only looking at them as a checkmark in my planner. And maybe you do to.