Doubting is Not a Sin.

I used to believe that any philosophical questions led to doubt. And I believed that the first doubt was all it took to be completely engulfed in doubt and fear. So, I often think that I should never have moments of doubt. There should never be a moment where my faith is lessened. So, when I do question things for existing or occurring, I get mad at myself. However, I am human. I will have a bunch of ‘what if’ questions in my lifetime because I am destined to be curious, and that is okay. But how do I allow myself to be curious and not allow myself to fall into that pit of doubt?

The truth is, I cannot escape the moments of doubt. There is a part of me that wants to believe only the things I can see, yet I know there is so much more than that. But when I don’t feel anything and I’m in a difficult situation in my life, I often forget why I know that there is more.

There is a quote by Atticus that says, “the doubters are just dreamers with broken hearts.” I often think of that quote when I am doubting God. I’m a dreamer, I know there are a million things that I want to do and accomplish, but I have doubts because I have had my heart broken over the obstacles pressing against my dreams. The same goes with my knowledge of God. I know God is there because I have felt Him, I proved His existence in my metaphysics class, and I see His goodness in everyday life. But I have moments in life where things are not going correctly or I will be going through a crisis, and all those feelings are working to convince me that my doubts are the true. How could there be a God when there is so much bad things in this world?

The truth is, doubting is not a sin. Doubting is normal and natural. It is okay to be afraid of the unknown as long as you push on despite the fear and overcome the fear. It is not easy, but that’s why courage is a virtue. The fear and doubt may impact my faith, but I will still have faith even if it is only an ounce, and thankfully Matthew 17:20 says, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” The best part about life is that even when my faith is so little and so weak, He is still so strong. God understands and still loves me.