Why Do We Hold On to Toxic Friendships?

One of the greatest gifts you can have in life is friendship. And when done correctly, friendship can be a beautiful thing. We all need someone in this life, someone who will have our backs when we need them the most. But all too often friendships end in a crash and burn style. Usually someone does something that we can no longer agree with or support and then the friendship falls through. But what about the toxic friendships that seem to never end? Why are toxic friendships so hard to give up?

Have you ever seen a friend be badly influenced by one of their friends? And all you have wanted to do is shake that person and ask them why they are accepting to be treated like trash. The truth is, people normally don’t normally know they’re in a toxic friendship. They don’t see their friend as a toxic person until well after the friendship ends. One of the greatest qualities a toxic person has is the ability to manipulate you and make you feel like you are not good enough. They will constantly say little things that make you insecure about your friendship. And, instead of thinking to yourself, “wow I’m better than this and I will not let anyone make me feel this way,” you want the reassurance that you are good enough so you hold on tighter to the friendship. So, how do you find out if you are in fact in a toxic friendship?

You should never have to feel like your friend doesn’t like you. You should never have to feel like you need to please this person for them to still be your friend. If you think that you might possibly be in a toxic friendship, what you should do is take a step back. It takes two people to put in effort for a friendship to last. See if this friendship is only one sided. If you’re the one who is constantly calling the other person and you are the one constantly setting up lunches and events, then that is not a friendship. Not only is this person making you feel less worthy than what you are as a person, but they also do not care enough about your friendship if they’re not putting any effort in. Don’t text them for once and see if they text you first. See if they try to keep the friendship alive if you were to pull away a little bit.

That being said, people can be friends and rarely talk. My best friend and I do not get to talk often and we rarely get to see each other, I mean we get to see each other once or twice a year. And it is just because we are both very busy people. That doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. She is still my best friend because when I am with her or I am talking to her, I get to be myself. I’m not trying to impress her or accommodate to her. I don’t feel like I have to force a friendship with her. A toxic friendship is all about how the friendship makes you feel. If you feel like your friendship is a chore then you’re probably in a toxic friendship.

Okay, so you’re in a toxic friendship, how do you get out and why is it important to do so? It should seem obvious as to why you need to get out of a toxic friendship. A toxic friendship will slowly drain the life out of you. It’s a new worry in your life that is not needed. And you need to get out in order for you to feel better and be less stressed. But it is hard to quit a friendship with a person you care about. I can’t tell you how many friendships I stayed in because I cared for the other person and I wanted to believe everything was fine. There comes a point where you have to shake off your state of denial and put yourself first. You have to take care of yourself, and if that means cutting some people out then you have to do it. One of the biggest reasons you keep avoiding ending the friendship is because you don’t know if it is for the best. What if life was better and you were happier when you were best friends with this person?

I know it is hard, but you are going to be better without those people in your life. You’re going to miss them and there is going to be something that happens that makes you want to call or text them. But you will get over that and in the end you will be so much happier and healthier without that stressful friendship in you life.